What I've Got
Date: Sat, 6 Apr 2002
Subject: Not quite finished
The Rover's gone and I've moved, but kabuki remains. I'm going to watch my friends do the first performance tonight, then I get to do it myself tomorrow at 12:25.
I have neither furniture nor money. But I have a clothes rack and a bath mat. Yay.
I still need to figure out what I'm going to do on Monday... I'm a little worried. I won't get back to The Village until late Sunday.
Date: Sat, 6 Apr 2002
I've been lent a mountain bike in The Village. I picked it up on Friday from the guy who was having it fixed up. Get this: Giant aluminum frame, nice metal pedals (no clips, the way I like them), parallel-style brakes (much more sensitive than mine at home, took some getting used to), rock shock, and butterfly shifters that can downshift up to three at a time. The tires are total off-road, which isn't too useful for the daily riding I'll have to do, and the seat is as hard as a rock, but it's a bloody decent bike. I want to take it out for a real spin sometime. I'll need to buy gloves, though... the grips dig into my hands after a while.
After years of being annoyed by the hassle of a helmet, I really want one. Riding along the edge of the road in a country where cyclists are more often found moving at low speeds on the sidewalk is dodgy... plus, I keep worrying I'm going to flip into one of the concrete ravines on the side of the road with these unusually sensitive brakes, and it's about a five-foot drop and, for that matter, there sometimes aren't barriers between the road and the ravines.
Date: Mon, 8 Apr 2002
日本語 の 発音 は... not good enough for real 歌舞伎。(How do you say that in Japanese?)
But thanks. I did see you in the audience, actually, so I knew I had to look for you after.
Have fun in New York!
Yesterday was my first day in elementary school... I did a very bad job. But today in junior high is much better so far. Tomorrow I go back to another elementary school. I hope it goes better...
Date: Wed, 10 Apr 2002
Subject: Re: matters of terrestrial nature.....
You rock. And I'm totally envious because you said some amazing things in a completely unpretentious way by disconnecting them... it reminds me of the Illusions book you gave me in high school.
I completely missed MCI people. In fact, everyone who came to Queen's from MCI agreed that they hadn't made any relationships at university that were nearly as strong or important as the ones they'd had in high school. I don't even realize how much I miss them until I meet someone like Q again and we can have a three-way conversation without a pause and without anyone being left out or ignored.
I've got one friend from university I really like, and he came here for two weeks, but he's a little too much on my gear... he keeps asking me if I'm okay or what I'm thinking about and it drives me nuts because I respect him too much to lie and I'm always thinking about something and there's always something I'm concerned about. Anyway...
The fact that I took up drinking in university partially to make friends reflects the general state of my social conditions at the time.
I'm presently torn between writing and preparing my teaching materials... I got torn apart on my first day and I've been panicking since... but today was better... I also started to write last night... and there's a new Battle Angel Alita series! It's called Last Order, and volume 2 just came out while Volume 1 is sold out everywhere. I'm trying to read it to improve my Japanese. I started reading the cover last night.
I hate what being agreeable wreaks upon my life... but I would hate myself if I weren't agreeable.
Have I ever told you that my goal is to destroy the world and start building a new one? I put that in the "long-term goals" section of my self-evaluation at work and it was oddly received...
I sometimes hate humanity and sometimes I want to try to save it all from itself... and sometimes I just want to go away so it will leave me alone so I can pretend everything is okay and under control.
I like writing because nothing happens if I don't want it to.
I once considered asking an incredibly kind girl how she had survived so long and yet remained so gentle. It's very, very hard. And the temptation to lash back can be very strong.
My goal is to finish everything I need to do by the time I'm 40. I used to say 35, but time is marching on. Time is my enemy. My only real advantage is the amount of skill I wield as a youth, and time is destroying me every second.
Date: Wed, 10 Apr 2002
Subject: For your reading pleasure
I have a BENIGN article in the Star! It came out on Tuesday but I just found out today...
Go to the life link at www.torontostar.com and scroll down to "Down to the wire and cursing technology." (I like the title they gave it). It's light, it's fluff, and some of you have heard this already, but hey. Once again, I'm pleased that they only seem to have changed one or two words and a bit of punctuation... although I'd meant the bracketed bit to be in italics, but hey, what can you do?